Yesterday was the debut of my new radio show on Blog Talk Radio. I presented 10 Ways to Live Full Out & Fearlessly. Many of the listeners requested the content in written format, so I’m posting it here:
1. Choose to take personal responsibility. Many of us are dissatisfied with one part of our life or another. The truth is that we have created our present conditions. When we discover that everything in our life is created by US, we gain power by knowing we can create something different.
One of my favorite coaching thoughts is that, If you want to know what you’re committed to, look at your life. Your commitments show up, whether they are intentional or not. Take personal responsibility, removing victim thoughts from you consciousness to gain power around building the life you want.
2. Commit to communicating fiercely. So many of us avoid speaking the truth, fearing we will be judged for our opinion, or we’ll hurt someone’s feelings. Be fearless in your communication! The truth is so liberating! The energy it takes to be less than straightforward is enormous! Life gets easier when you accept the truth – in your life, and in the way you communicate. Have those difficult conversations, and you will be amazed at the level of stress that disappears!
3. Remember that you were born to create! You were given all the talent and tools you need to create your dream life! Remember how you were as a child – always in the world of creation, building things, imagining things, painting, drawing, coloring, pretending – always creating. As we grow up, we get serious. We think creation is for writers, artists, musicians. The fact is creation is in all of us. Everything wonderful in the world is created! You are worthy of creation – you were born for it. When times get tough, as they are for some of you – focus on what you can create rather than what you lack. It’s in you, I promise.
4. Remember that life is fluid change. I like to say that if you don’t like something right now, wait a few minutes – it will change! Open your mind to new possibilities and be aware of what might be right in front of you. In your business, reach out to others to get diverse perspectives – you might not be seeing opportunities because you’re working IN your business, not on it. Hire a coach or find a mentor – build a personal board of directors and open your mind to having trusted advisors in your life. It’s amazing the clarity you will gain! If you have a team, have regular mastermind sessions – encouraging diverse thinking and implementing new ideas fearlessly!
5. Be willing to take calculated risks. There is a quote that comes to mind by William Shedd: “A ship is safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships were built for.” We are all created to make a difference. Our fear has been learned through the school of hard knocks. Once we commit to something, God and the universe will support us. I don’t mean to recommend knee jerk reactions to things – Use your God-given intellect to make rational decisions. The point is not to allow the emotion of fear to cloud your decision to act. We are meant to step outside our comfort zone. When we realize we are afraid, we can know that we are on the right path toward growth. Shining the light on fear diminishes it!
6. Bring your “A” Game every single day. Do the best you can do in every situation and stop making excuses. Own your life, and the action you take to make it great. Think Bigger – add increase to every part of your day. Stay in the space of serving others, and creating value in those lives you touch. You never know how much time you have left to leave your legacy – today matters.
7. As long as you’re playing with your “A” game, remember to have fun! Life doesn’t have to be taken so seriously all the time. Lighten up! Fear can actually be laughed at, and poked fun at. Fear is illogical anyway – it’s irrational. Belly laugh every day when you feel fear sneaking up on you. Be sure to add fun things into each and every day. A well developed sense of humor is a worthy weapon to defend against the fear that is so present in our world today.
8. Limit exposure to news media. Media is supported by our need for drama. Fear is part of the programming to create drama. Fear sells – in the form of listeners and viewers – which translates to advertising dollars. Don’t believe everything that is reported – because all news is reported with some bias. Be a critical thinker, and if you must consume news, be sure to consume from several different sources. Commit to a certain number of hours each week and consume no more than that. Personally, I have boycotted news for more than 5 years. I don’t miss anything, because the people in my life know I don’t watch or listen, so they fill me in on the important stuff!
You must protect the information that goes into your subconscious mind at all costs. Allow good stuff in, bad stuff must be limited.
9. Take care of YOU first. In your life, you have a lot of responsibility. You take care of a lot of people – your body carries you around for a lot of very important things. Just like the flight attendants will tell you – place the oxygen mask over yourself first, then help others. Do things that make you happy – make them a priority. Nurture your mind by reading and listening to powerful audio programs. Nurture your body by getting the right amount of sleep, eating well, and moving every day. Nurture your spirit by deepening your faith and connecting to source through prayer and meditation. Take care of YOU, because in the end, you’re all you have.
10. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in all of us. This thought was inspired by one of my favorite quotes by Marianne Williamson:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
These words make a difference every day in my life, and have shaped the work that I do with people. I believe this is true, and that we must remember it when we are creating our lives.
Coach Charrise
President Obama spoke yesterday at the University of Notre Dame, just 20 miles from my home. I watched Air Force One jet over my home. Though I don’t consume much news media, I was aware of the controversy raised over his appearance at a Catholic university, considering his position on abortion and stem cell research.
I was interested to see how President Obama would approach his address. There is no question that President Obama is an excellent orator, with a superb ability to connect to his audience. Many people have that talent. What President Obama does that no other political leader has done in recent memory, is that he shows vulnerability by approaching the issues head on.
His message was that in the face of intractable differences, there is no alternative but to sit down and talk and try to arrive at solutions.
Here are some excerpts from his talk:
“We must find a way to live together as one human family. Our very survival has never required greater cooperation and understanding among all people from all places than at this moment in history.”
“Let’s honor the conscience of those who disagree with abortion, and draft a sensible conscience clause, and make sure that all of our health care policies are grounded in clear ethics and sound science, as well as respect for the equality of women.”
“Those who speak out against stem cell research may be rooted in admirable conviction about the sacredness of life, but so are the parents of a child with juvenile diabetes who are convinced that their son’s or daughter’s hardships can be relieved.”
“The ultimate irony of faith is that it necessarily admits doubt. It is the belief in things not seen. It is beyond our capacity as human beings to know with certainty what God has planned for us or what He asks of us, and those of us who believe must trust that His wisdom is greater than our own. This doubt should not push us away from our faith. But it should humble us. It should temper our passions, and cause us to be wary of self-righteousness.
Because when we do that — when we open up our hearts and our minds to those who may not think precisely like we do or believe precisely what we believe — that’s when we discover at least the possibility of common ground.
After all, I stand here today, as President and as an African American, on the 55th anniversary of the day that the Supreme Court handed down the decision in Brown v. Board of Education. Now, Brown was of course the first major step in dismantling the “separate but equal” doctrine, but it would take a number of years and a nationwide movement to fully realize the dream of civil rights for all of God’s children. There were freedom rides and lunch counters and Billy clubs, and there was also a Civil Rights Commission appointed by President Eisenhower. It was the 12 resolutions recommended by this commission that would ultimately become law in the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
There were six members of this commission. It included five whites and one African American; Democrats and Republicans; two Southern governors, the dean of a Southern law school, a Midwestern university president, and your own Father Ted Hesburgh, President of Notre Dame. So they worked for two years, and at times, President Eisenhower had to intervene personally since no hotel or restaurant in the South would serve the black and white members of the commission together. And finally, when they reached an impasse in Louisiana, Father Ted flew them all to Notre Dame’s retreat in Land O’Lakes, Wisconsin, where they eventually overcame their differences and hammered out a final deal.
And years later, President Eisenhower asked Father Ted how on Earth he was able to broker an agreement between men of such different backgrounds and beliefs. And Father Ted simply said that during their first dinner in Wisconsin, they discovered they were all fishermen. And so he quickly readied a boat for a twilight trip out on the lake. They fished, and they talked, and they changed the course of history.”
My coach taught me that everything important begins with a conversation. When we remember that we are all interconnected, and that our survival as an evolved world depends upon having open, honest dialogue about the issues at hand, progress can be made.
I’m grateful our leader has chosen this method of leadership. It gives me hope.
Coach Charrise
Today I was scheduled to speak at one of our local Rotary Club meetings. I was invited by a friend of mine – and was glad to do it. The only drawback was that it is a morning group, and it began at 7 a.m. I won’t say I’m not a morning person – but it’s true that I hit my stride closer to 10 a.m. than 7. Sounds like an excuse, doesn’t it?
So, I put my best foot forward, and sucked down an early cup of coffee. I gathered my notes and got ready for the day, grabbing a notebook to carry presentation notes and business cards.
I arrived at the breakfast meeting and was warmly greeted by club members. People were so open and welcoming, and I knew this would be a good talk. I opened my notebook and glanced down to see that I had not put the notes for my talk in the notebook. I remember having the thought on the way to the meeting “What if I forgot my notes?”. Obviously, our thoughts have tremendous power!
I had one sustained moment of pure and unvarnished fear. I was scheduled to talk for 30 minutes and had no plan. Now don’t get me wrong – when I talk about something I’m passionate about, I can talk for hours. I had two choices – leave the meeting and get my notes, and arrive again late and disheveled, OR create a new talk in 10 minutes.
Which did I choose?
I’ve learned to love my fear, taking it as a sign to step forward into something bold. When this occurs, there is an associated adrenalin rush, as our physical body prepares us for what is next. I smiled, took a deep breath, and got into creation mode. I chose not to create the same talk I had prepared, as there were too many details to do so accurately. I thought about what this lovely group of people might want to hear, and tuned into the energy in the room.
This was a true test of living full out and fearlessly! I’m sure many of you who are engaged in public speaking activities have had such moments of panic. Things don’t always line up properly, so we must be ready for anything. What I learned today is that whether or not you have notes, you can still make a difference by speaking from the heart.
I stood up before these fine folks, and showed my vulnerability immediately. I removed ego, and joked about having forgotten my notes. They smiled, and I could feel the tension drift away as I focused on serving them. They deserved my “A” game, and so I got busy giving it to them.
The lesson is that there is no more powerful place to come from than that of creation and serving. We all have the ability to speak from our heart, and to genuinely show others our passion. I had prepared a good talk, and the irony is that the talk I actually delivered was far better.
I am choosing to see everything as perfect. It was not an accident that I forgot my notes. There was something in me that knew that I was preparing the wrong talk. I feel blessed to have experienced an intervention from my higher power!
Coach Charrise
I was reading a quote from Tom Asacker this morning:
“Authenticity schmauthenticity!” “Be authentic” is a hollow cry. It smells of the marketing puffery we chide. Instead, follow the lead of brand auteurs like Apple’s Steve Jobs, Ronald Shaich of Panera Bread, Brin and Page of Google, and Disney’s Robert Iger. Dream big! Stay tuned in to the changing marketplace. Always be in beta. Have a fanatical attention to detail. Put your people at the heart of the brand, making sure that everyone understands his or her role in making the brand the star. And always, always put on a great show.
I was stopped by one particular line: “Always be in beta.” In the quote, the reference is about the brand – the marketing of it, which makes sense. And it got me thinking…
I am always in beta. Every day I shift slightly, this way or that, adjusting to my circumstances. My spirit rises and falls according to how I allow people to make me feel. I navigate the rough water, grateful for the calm when it comes. I make considerations for what I want in my life, seeking that which I don’t think I have.
I am constantly evolving, growing, learning – creating a new version of me every single day by improving my understanding of life and my place in it. I believe it’s meant to be this way; a minute by minute evolution to an ever developing soul.
I make mistakes; I learn something. I hold a thought, and discover it doesn’t serve me, so I let it go. I find joy in something, so I create more of it in my life. One degree this direction, two degrees in another. Like a tension knob on a piece of machinery, increasing and decreasing as called for.
I am always in beta, perfecting my soul with each experience.
Coach Charrise
I decided that today I would do something outrageous! Part of living my life full out includes the willingness to get squarely out of my comfort zone. It means taking a dream, and multiplying it – creating action that I wouldn’t otherwise create. When I do this, my consciousness deepens and the possibilities expand. What seemed impossible yesterday suddenly seems within my reach.
Looking at the opportunities in front of me today, I engage in thought in a way that has me holding my action up to the light and examining it for outrageous potential. It’s causing me to have an ongoing adrenalin rush – imagining the possibilities. Fear shows up as I come to the edge.
Fear is my friend. I welcome the arrival of that emotion, as I have come to understand the power that I have over it. I know that this fear is just a thought, and that it is informed by my past. I choose not to allow fear to inform my future in a way that stops me from doing something I want to do.
I love that I can move straight through it, and by doing so, I can bring increase to something worthy in the world.
It’s important to distinguish my intention. It’s not that I desire to put my physical life at risk with daredevil activities like bungee jumping. Rather, I am inspired to create action around something that moves me forward; A giant leap toward something worthy.
So today, I will act outside of the ordinary. I am stepping through a small life, into something bigger than myself. It’s an extraordinary feeling.
Coach Charrise
I work with a client who claims to operate better when his life is in chaos. Can this be true? It seems like self imposed drama to me.
There are certain people who claim to do their best work at the last minute. It’s one thing to be able to work under pressure – but is it really resulting in your best work? Would your work improve in quality if you had time to review it? Of course. When I practice something, I get better each time I do it again. I used to play that story in my head, and actually said it out loud. “I do my best work at the last minute.”
What I’ve come to realize is that for me, it was simply an excuse for procrastinating.
Because I’m no dummy, I decided it was best to change that story. Now, I begin projects earlier on purpose. I get really committed to creating something which meets the highest quality standard I can imagine. It’s a muscle I’m strengthening, because in reality, I am quite able to pull things off at the last minute. The denial I was stuck in was that it could represent my best work.
I love the adrenalin rush of a deadline. I get more done when there is a finite end to the expectation. Even though I usually work on a project until the deadline, I now practice slowing the whole thing down some, so there is space for my creative brain to discover more possibilities inside the project.
Chaos equals drama. We don’t have to inform our future with our drama and chaos filled past. There are more fullfilling ways to become excited about our work – and there is a huge benefit in reduced stress levels when we give ourselves space to create.
Coach Charrise
It’s our birthright to live a creative, abundant, happy life. We were born with all of the necessary components to create a wonderful life, loving and fulfilling. Our creator gave us the gift of life, making us perfect, unique individuals.
What happens to our creativity as we grow up and become adults?
When we were children, we simply created. We played house, we played school, we made believe we were grown ups – anxious to be one. We fearlessly climbed trees, built forts in the woods, made up songs – all without any sense of judgment about what we were up to. We created without thinking as we moved through our invented world.
On our way to becoming grown ups we began to lose our sense of play and imagination. Judgment entered the picture. We received our first criticism, and thus began our fearful retreat into a safer world. Somewhere along the way, we abandoned our fearlessness to color outside the lines.
Ironically, those of us that hold on to our creative nature and make a living from it as adults often struggle with the fear of not being enough. Creative work is very personal and intimate, displaying the essence of a person – our heart and our core. By delivering our work to the world, we expose ourselves. The idea that our work might be criticized or that we won’t be loved is always pulling at our creative energy.
Displaying our creativity is always a risk. This is why we make the false statement that we are not creative. To be creative, is to risk being unloved. I hear people say “I am just not very creative. I can’t think things up like you can.”
Of course, we are all creative. Everything in life is a creation that comes directly from us. Whether we believe we are creative or not – we are always in the midst of creating.
Shifting our mindset to releasing our judgments about creativity, in ourselves and in others – frees us up to be fearless creators. It’s what we’re built for. Anything less than that is cheating the world.
Coach Charrise
It seems we make things hard sometimes. I work with people who have the mindset that though change is inevitable, that it’s hard work. My sense is that it’s only as difficult as you expect it to be.
Change Is inevitable. It’s not the world that changes so much as the people changing inside it. It’s always about the people. People carry the story around with them that change is difficult. The story perpetuates. Someone says, “Yeah, things at work are really tough. There are so many changes going on. Changes are so hard on me.”
Is that really true? Our resistance to the idea of change makes it so. But is it true that change is difficult? It certainly doesn’t have to be.
We are all evolving – every day we experience changes in our thoughts and our mindset. We allow our moods to change at the whim of someone else’s actions. We float through life feeling insecure about the future, wasting precious energy on worry. Uncertainty causes us to fill in the unknown with worst case scenarios. We become frozen in the fear about what could be.
I think we were built to be resilient to the ongoing changes that occur for us. Anything else is simply a thought. Our victim mind nurtures the thought that life is hard, that we must struggle.
When we really get present to the idea that our thoughts aren’t always real, that sometimes we create stories that produce an imaginary set of worries and fears, we are liberated. A gentle shift in our mind from that of being prey to change to that of being grateful for it can make all the difference.
It seems so simple.
Have you ever been given a second chance? You know, some sort of close call between life and death? I was watching a documentary on the Hudson River Airplane emergency landing yesterday. Talk about second chances!
The passengers on the plane were making calls to loved ones, telling them goodbye. According to one of the passengers, his life was playing back for him as the plane was heading down, and he knew he had not lived the life he wished he had lived. He still had things to do.
Several other passengers talked of the thoughts that went through their mind as their life was fatefully put in the hands of the flight crew. When you have limited chances for survival, and you have time to think about it, you naturally reflect on what you’ve done in life – and what you haven’t done. You think about the people in your life that you love, and in this case, call them to tell them so.
One woman made such a call – and commented that of course she got her husband’s voice mail. Imagine that? Imagine if she had not survived, and all her husband had was the voice mail.
Of course, the flight crew ended up pulling off a series of skilled moves which saved the lives of every single passenger. All 155 people ditched the aircraft and were safely moved to shore.
Can you imagine being one of those people, knowing your plane is going down? I mean – truly imagine it. What would you regret not having done? Would you have loved more, worried less? Would you have taken more chances? Would you have worked less and played more?
One passenger said that he was given a second chance, because his work was not finished here. He said that all 155 passengers have some sort of purpose to complete. They are questioning everything now – in order to answer the question: Why was I spared? They are looking at their life with fresh eyes, asking themselves how to get started living their best life.
My wish for you is that you don’t wait for a second chance to make good use of your first one. Ask yourself these questions today, and begin living your life full out and fearlessly.
Love immensely. Laugh until your belly hurts. Do what makes you most happy, every single day. Give generously. Take chances. Dance and sing, and breathe in the scent of a life well lived, each and every day.
Coach Charrise
