In March, I’ve been asked to be a guest lecturer for the undergraduate students of the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland. My topic, co-chosen by myself and the faculty member whose invitation I’ve accepted, is civility. My goal is to connect them to an outside view of leadership; radical leadership where love prevails.
My commitment to making a difference with this lecture is significant, as I consider the message I’d most like to share with these impressionable young minds. I’m not going to lecture on politeness or geniality. I won’t focus on good manners like opening doors for others, or saying please and thank you at appropriate times. Our human leadership crisis is much bigger than this. My message will expand their view on their ability to impact the world as leaders, inside or outside the military.
I long to teach these students what they already know in their heart; what they were born with. I crave the opportunity to encourage them to return to love. There is no ethical code violation that doesn’t somehow also violate our innate nature to love.
I know what you might be thinking. This is the military. How can love possibly be part of any military curriculum? Love is everywhere, and in everyone. There is love for country, love for fellow soldiers. Love for the freedom that soldiers fight for. The individuals whose job is to protect our country have loving relationships in their personal lives as well.
The call for love today is a much broader scope than just our military. The truth is that we ARE love, and it applies everywhere. Love is in our DNA. Our creator put love IN us, in every cell. We have simply forgotten. We’ve lost our way.
I could say that I myself have not forgotten, and it wouldn’t be completely true. I am not above reproach.
I talk about love often, and I consider it frequently in my work and in my life, focusing on coming from that place inside me that loves unconditionally. I often ask myself “What would love do?” This focus on love guides me and inspires me every day to do the right thing and serve others fully. I am filled up with love most of the time.
And still, I find myself at times judging, comparing, competing, criticizing. My ego wants me to protect my sense of superiority to others (which of course is never the truth), and sometimes I notice that my ego runs the show. It’s true…my human frailty shows up just as yours does.
How is it that we humans have constructed a world where it’s acceptable to judge and categorize people who are not like us, so harshly? How is it that we’ve turned our religious doctrine into a permission slip to hurt our fellow human beings? How can we have forgotten that when we hurt one human, we’re all somehow damaged too? Why have we created a political system that is dominated by agendas that lead to power grabbing and making people wrong? How has hate become a driving force for so many of our leaders? The answer to all these questions has one core culprit: FEAR.
Do you see what we have collectively created, by losing sight of our one common core value – the need to love and be loved? As we succumb to the narcotic-like numbness that following the herd of fearful humans generates, we have become complacent. We have forgotten to love above all else.
Regardless which religion you practice, or which spiritual beliefs guide you, love is at the core of our creation. It’s in every religious doctrine ever written. It’s our basis for BE-ing.
If you know me, you know that my sky is generally blue. You know that I always seek to squeeze out the good juice from every situation. It’s how I choose to navigate this precious life of mine.
For these students, and indeed for those people whose lives I touch through my personal relationships, I rise up to take a stand for a return to love. When I slip, I forgive myself, dust myself off, and carry on with love in my heart. I choose to lead by example with love. It’s the difference I can make for those whose life I am invited into.
I will ask the students to commit to more love and less fear. It would be really fabulous if you joined me in this commitment. One by one, we can create something different. How practical is this to actually do, in real life? It’s easier than you may believe. Here are some of my own ideas to inspire you to find your own unique path:
- Give someone a hand up, rather than a handout.
- Refrain from being sucked in by destructive and false media messages.
- The next time you judge someone for being unworthy, less-than, different – look in the mirror and see what part of you is judging. It won’t be the real you. It’ll be the fearful you that is worried you are somehow less than, too.
- Celebrate human differences without making others wrong.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. It doesn’t serve you or them.
- Love yourself madly. It helps you love others.
- Wake up and serve.
- Don’t participate in conversations that degrade other humans.
- Speak out in support of love to those around you.
- Act in spite of the fear that you won’t belong.
- Trust your instinct. It will never inform you with hate – always love.
- Get quiet. Remember who you are.
It starts with me. And I love YOU fiercely.
What is the truth you could be telling? How vulnerable are you willing to be? How much deeper might your relationships be if you committed to transparency?
Want to find out? Keep me in the loop, would ya?
Love,
When I was about 23 years old, my employer believed strongly in human potential development. He encouraged me to find some training that interested me, gave me a budget and set me loose. I’m grateful that I chose a life-changing Dale Carnegie course, which over 12 weeks taught me distinctions I use to this day. The course was designed to help us be effective public speakers, and it turned out to be so much more than that.
I distinctly remember feeling self conscious that at that young age, I didn’t have much to offer to the group. Each week we were given a topic to prepare a short talk for the following week. Our facilitators taught us distinctions that originated from Dale Carnegie’s body of work, and then we got to integrate those distinctions into our weekly talks. Each week, my voice would quiver as I gasped for breath (speakers often crash and burn because we forget to breath). I was never particularly skilled or committed to preparation, so each week I would show up even more nervous because I hadn’t prepared properly. There was one week that stood out for me. That week, the topic was emotional. We were meant to talk about a life event that was significant enough to change our life course.
I immediately knew what that event was for me. I tried like hell not to know, because it was so emotional and intimate and I didn’t know if I could talk about it with anyone, let alone my peers in this course. All week I deliberated with myself, and as it turns out, never really got to an alternate topic. It was suddenly my turn to share, and the story I was avoiding was all I really had.
I stepped in front of the group, petrified. I took a deep breath, and in a flurry of words, out came my sad and emotional tale. I told it without thinking. The room was amazingly quiet while my courage was unleashed on this collection of unlikely confidantes. I told the story of how, for three years, my brother and I endured a tragic period of our lives. We lived with our mother and step-father, who was an abusive alcoholic. You can imagine the kind of story that creates. Culminating that 3 year experience was an event which occurred on the day my mom divorced my step-father. On that day, my step-father opted to fire a loaded gun into his mouth to commit suicide, while my mom was on the other end of a telephone line with him. It was a compelling story of a true life event that did indeed change everything.
During the telling, I remember it feeling more like an out of body experience than anything. I was emotional, and still, not so emotional that I couldn’t get the words out. Afterwards, I was greeted by a standing ovation. This short two minutes of my life taught me something I’ve never forgotten, and still reflect upon even today.
When I speak from my spirit, expressing the emotions, passion, and conviction that are alive within me, people hear me in a way that isn’t otherwise possible. Showing vulnerability connects our common human frailty, and always creates more meaningful results than pretending I am something else would provide. Whether I’m speaking in front of a group, or one on one with a client, I know that all the juice is in those conversations when I’m showing up as me – even if it means revealing my soft underbelly. It’s in this space where the most phenomenal differences can be created.
What stops me from showing up this way? Well, fear, of course. It’s the only thing that ever stops me. I worry what people will think of me if I reveal my perceived weaknesses. I imagine I must be some kind of authority or expert, when really I’m simply doing the best I can in any given moment.
When I speak in front of groups now, I reconnect to that place inside myself that is unique to me. I say what I know, encouraging others to consider an alternate perspective. I remind myself to breathe (crazy that I STILL have to do that), and share myself fully, including that soft underbelly side. I resist my inclination to be a people-pleaser. I also resist the urge to be an expert. I am after all, just me, doing the best I can with what I’ve been gifted.
Two extraordinary minutes taught me that it’s not only okay to be me, it’s preferable.
What are you willing to create through asking? Please leave a comment and we’ll create an inspiration machine. How cool is it to inspire others to action? You will find out by commenting.
Love you!
I’ve had an insight about myself recently. Wait for it…
Moderation has eluded me for most of my life. My behavior is all… or nothing. Full speed ahead or cuddled up with a book. Intensely healthy habits for months and then a complete splurge during the holidays. Can you hear what I’m saying? Are you picking up what I’m throwing down? I’m sure you get the drift.
My coach pointed out a similar distinction for me, around business development. I tend to be a sprinter, vigorously opening new business for a period of time and then resting on my laurels. I love moving quickly through things with passion and excitement and adrenalin, and then promptly wear myself out with a need to go fetal for a day or two.
You might wonder if this is healthy: I certainly am.
All I can say is, for me, I am craving more consistency in my life. I’d love to move at a more even pace, like a bowling ball moving at a constant speed down the middle of the lane. Lately I’ve had this image that I’m indeed a bowling ball, swiftly slipping into the gutter lane, working mercilessly to jump the track and get back to my middle place.
I also realize I can notice that it’s nothing more than a series of habits I’ve created for myself, and that if I really want to live in that middle place, I can do that. One habit and one day at a time, I can re-create my habits. It’s there for me, and at times I long for the habit of moderation.
And then the question arises…Isn’t it in that extreme place where I’ve created all the momentum and success in my life? That adrenalin rush I get when I land on a fabulous idea and get it launched and released to the world propels me to a level of success beyond my comfortable middle place. I am exceptionally talented at starting, and that is usually a good thing.
What if both ways of being can exist within my behavior? Finding the balance between gutter balls and moderation would be a perfect place for me to live. What I realize is that I can notice my way of being in the moment, and make a conscious choice, based on the situation, about how to proceed. Sometimes it’s best to slow down, and sometimes it’s best to speed up. The best barometer I’ve found for navigating those times is my inner wisdom. If I slow down to ask my inner wisdom how to move forward, I always get the answer I’m looking for.
What’s crazy is that I tend to beat myself up either way. I judge myself for not being able to slow down just as often as I am critical about my slacking off. What would my coaching be if a client were behaving this way?
1. Forgive yourself for judging yourself.
2. Focus on your inner wisdom.
3. Slow down when you want to speed up.
4. Capture the good ideas, as they don’t all have to be launched at once.
5. Getting back on track is easy – it begins with the decision to do so.
And so…I’m back on track on all fronts, mixing moderation with jubilation. How does this show up for you?
Don’t you love the frozen-funny faces of videos before you click play? Thanks for watching the first of my weekly videos. If you’re not subscribed to my posts, you can do so here.
Oh…and if you’re interested in having a conversation about Project Liberation, you’d better get cracking! Call me now at 574-288-2280.
This morning Megan and I stopped at the coffee shop before work. An unusually warm and Spring-like day had us practically skipping into the shop, where we were met with the comforting aroma of coffee. (Still comforting, even though I’m abstaining from coffee for a while.) As we were getting our tea, a man entered the shop with a very loud and bold comment about the length of time it’s taking them to finish the ramp construction on the sidewalk. Apparently, they are making their entrance handicap accessible and are re-routing traffic through another door.
The man got some support from the barista about the delay, which served to unleash a long, sarcastic and passionate diatribe on the recent street-scaping project that has just finished in my town. The project was in fact, a real mess to navigate for some time, and some businesses didn’t survive the downturn in traffic due to the hassle. Now that it’s finished, people can drive straight through a lovely and quaint downtown (while stopping at every light) and gazing at the brick accented planters and benches. City planners are no doubt attempting to attract more businesses and activity to an otherwise dying downtown business district.
You see how I could make an argument for both sides of this issue? If the goal is to grow the business district, and the street-scaping resulted in businesses closing, was it the right decision? And if I were unfamiliar with the area and had taken a drive downtown to consider moving my business here, would I have not gotten a warm and fuzzy with the streets run down and dilapidated? At some point, some people weighed the factors in this debate and decided the benefit was worth the risk. And that’s how all important decisions are made, yes?
So about this guy. The whole coffee shop vibe shifted, while he vocalized his opinion and sought the support of others with his eyes. I found myself averting eye contact, because I myself didn’t have a clear position on the matter. My office is downtown, and while I don’t depend upon walk-in traffic, it was still a hassle while the road was destroyed and rebuilt.
Some questions came up for me today, as I continue to ponder the situation. Do I believe it’s appropriate to take strong positions on issues and verbalize them in public places where the debate was uninvited? Constitutionally, we are free to do that, though if we cause a disturbance I suppose there could be consequences.
Is there something that ignites that sort of passion in me, that I’d be willing to do what he did?
Since I’m a business that made it through the transition, is my perspective lacking credibility?
How much do we place our trust in our city leaders, and should I become more involved?
I love being open to these questions, and I also have a few for you. Where in your life do you take a stand? What’s important enough to risk your need to belong? How can you grow by asking yourself these questions?
As humans, co-mingling in the world, and in our communities, it’s our job to make a difference through our existence. How are we doing that?
After pausing and reflecting on the many lessons + distinctions gleaned from 2011, I’m positioning my intentions for next year. As I ponder what I’d love to create in 2012, I’ve chosen a word to remind me what I’m up to – a tag line, if you will, shortened into just one word.
The word is LIBERATION.
- I am liberated from struggle of any kind, choosing instead to lean into the belief that things are always as they are meant to be. I’ve learned that control can be an illusion.
- I am liberated from the thought that money is my life-blood. Giving it too much power confuses me and will never serve me. Money is nothing more or less than a tool.
- I am liberated from holding too many possessions in my life. There is such freedom in simplicity. More is not better.
- I am liberated, finally and forever, from the misconception that there is anything missing inside me. I am enough, and I was created perfectly by God to navigate the life I have chosen.
- I am liberated by remembering what my body wants and needs for optimum health, and forgiving myself for not always listening.
- I am liberated from spending too much time in my head. In my heart, I know the path that’s right for me.
- I am liberated from the place in me that doesn’t honor my creativity. I know that when I’m nurturing my innate creativity, I’m more fully expressed.
- I am liberated from the belief that there isn’t enough time. Living with intention is the antidote for that belief.
- I am liberated by liberating others, and all my work – writing, coaching, speaking - drives that distinction.
I’m a girl that loves specifics. By announcing to the world my intentions for next year, I know that they will take on new life, and that the right people and circumstances will appear. Here are some of my commitments:
1. I will take art classes, and learn piano.
2. I will eat and move in ways that honor my body.
3. My first book will be nurtured and born.
4. My practice will grow in the interest of liberating more people from small and fear-driven lives.
5. I will love more, and judge less.
As I write this, I am aware at how different these intentions feel compared to years past. My former belief was that my intentions needed to be bold and bodacious, stretching me beyond what I think is possible for myself. What a relief it is to express my desires from a place of innate well being, relaxed and peaceful. All I need is inside me. That doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t grow – I simply don’t need the false energy that comes from the belief that I’m somehow broken and need fixing.
I am liberated.
It’s there for you, too. Will you join me?
It’s time for rituals and reflection. As we peer into what we are committed to creating in 2012, let’s first pause and reflect on the precious time we spent in 2011…evolving, creating, learning. Laughing, weeping, winning, and losing. Praying. Loving, growing, grooving. Sleeping, moving, earning. Shining. Life is a verb.
365 full days of living, to be acknowledged and celebrated. 365 days of glorious time that is never, ever wasted + forever spent.
Pause. Remember. Honor.
How many smiles did you cause? Who took a different path because of your presence? What did you teach? Whose heart did you hold closely while they mourned? How many prayers did you send up? Who held you? What stands out boldly? What difference did you make?
What if what you didn’t do was just as significant as what you did do? What didn’t you do? What do you wish you would have done? Was there a lesson you learned again for the last time?
Notice. Embrace your reality. Face your truth. Bask in delight for what you created.
You. Created. Because you did.
Brilliant, you.
Ciao, 2011. You were worthy.
Music has a way of taking my breath away. Especially music like this, which has my spirit lifting and soaring alongside the amazing chorus. Hallelujah, indeed!
This holiday season, celebrate heartily.
Slow down.
Do only what you truly feel inspired to do.
Drop the “should” thought.
Give until it hurts.
Indulge.
Be grateful.
Receive gladly.
Love with abandon.
Dance your own dance.
Appreciate family.
Be where you are.
Relax.
Choose peace.
Lean into your faith.
Know that your path is perfect, and you are loved.
From my little corner of the world to yours, let us rejoice in all that is.
Big love to you and yours.
