I’ve come a long way during my path of self exploration over the past several years. And yet…there is room for growth.

I have heroine idol worship for Danielle LaPorte, whose writing is so incredible that I read every single word she publishes (unusual considering how precious time is).  In a recent blog post, she mentioned an upcoming event where she’s a featured speaker.  I clicked the link, went to the landing page for the event, and got goose bumps while reading the well crafted sales page.  My coach has done a very effective job in helping me resist the temptation of every new teacher/guru/mentor that hits my inbox, so I handily dismissed the idea of signing my sassy self up.  The event, for the record, is a creation of Marie Forleo, and it’s called Rich, Happy, and Hot.

Now you might be wondering what kind of person you’d have to be to sign up for an event with such a name.  Would you have to qualify, literally, for all three…rich? happy?  hot?… in order to attend?  That question gave me pause.  And then I started imagining myself being in the company of 250 women entrepreneurs who have the confidence and courage to spend the considerable amount of time and money to be there.  You’d have to be special to have the courage to go at all.  I was intrigued.

And still, I didn’t sign up.

It is bad timing.  (Travel kills my wellness efforts.)  It is too expensive.  (I’ve already invested a shit ton of money this year on my own development.)  It is in NYC.  (It’s an intimidating place to travel to alone.)  It is more time away from home. (I’ve traveled a lot lately.)

All great justification to take a pass.

Except I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to be there.  It wouldn’t go away – this knowing that I would meet extraordinary people that I may not meet any other way. This nagging notion that if I didn’t go, I would be missing out on something big and I would truly regret that.  When I really got honest with myself about my reason for not going, I knew that it was only the cost (about $3000 total) that was holding me back, and that all my justifications were rooted in fear.

I didn’t like the way I was showing up in the internal conversation, as though there somehow wasn’t enough.  It was lack thinking, pure and simple, and that is not who I want to be in the world.  A couple clicks later and I was enrolled.

Since then, I’ve studied the teachers/speakers – several of which I’ve already been following through social media, newsletters, or otherwise.  I’ve also been engaging with the Twitter list of people attending.  This is a fascinating group of people with whom I’ll have the opportunity to develop meaningful relationships during the event in NYC next week.

Excited as I am, the past few days I found myself making up all kinds of stories as I imagined myself being there among these rich, happy, and hot women.  Two voices were loud and clear: the voice of love, and the voice of fear.  The dialogue goes something like this:

Love:  You belong here.  You’ve earned the right to just be you and be adored by all.

Fear:  YOU? Really? You might be happy, but you are not rich..

Love:  I’m rich in sooo many ways!  Of course I am!

Fear:  What about hot?  You just turned 50.  These women are using super-cool street slang, some of which you don’t even know the meaning of!  They are thin and beautiful and probably have been shopping for months so they can look smokin’ hot!  They are actually excited about the dance moves that are touted to be essential to the event! You don’t dance.

Love:  If you just be you, everything will be fine.

Fear:  But I don’t know a single soul that will be there.  I will be alone.

Love:  Lots of other women will feel the same way.

Fear:  These women seem to know each other.  I won’t belong.

Love:  I am enough by myself, and I don’t need validation from anything outside myself to know that.

Whew!  I’m exhausted from this internal banter, and I haven’t yet stepped foot in NYC.

And here’s what I know.  We humans have an overwhelming need to fit in – to belong.  We’re hard wired to compete for attention.  We long to be adored.  I can recognize that voice of fear and choose to give it a good belly laugh for all it’s worth.  I can send love to myself, and even to that voice within myself that doubts my worthiness.  I can smile and carry on, believing instead that this path is perfect, resting in the pure truth that I am a powerful creator.  I know that I am a child of God, created with innate well-being.  My life really works when I have the courage to JUST BE ME.

Everything else is crap.  It’s a lie.

So, rock on, you amazingly powerful RICH, HAPPY, and HOT female rock stars.  I chose in, and I am in good company.

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3 Responses to Competing Voices

  1. Electra says:

    Charrise…there are no accidents and you are right…everything unfolds as it should! Our paths did not cross in BSchool- I’m not sure how I even found my way here! While here, I discovered we have a mutual friend in Steve Hardison and that was a God-wink :) Appreciate you sharing your ah-ha’s and big ideas with me! Have a BLAST!!!

  2. Electra says:

    *Gulp* This post hit a little too close to home. Glad you took the plunge. YaY for your courage! You are worth it! If I’d read this post two weeks ago, I wouldn’t be sitting here sulking…I’d be PACKING!
    Wishing you a magnificent experience! Please come back and share your highlights with those of us who couldn’t quite step up…YET! Be blessed :)

    • Electra, I’m happy it resonated, and sad that I won’t get to meet you in NYC. Timing is always perfect – let’s meet there next year. Meanwhile, if you contact me via my “Make Contact” form, I’ll email or text you updates and share my learning. You are worthy too! xoxo Sending big love.

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