My commitment to making a difference with this lecture is significant, as I consider the message I’d most like to share with these impressionable young minds.  I’m not going to lecture on politeness or geniality.  I won’t focus on good manners like opening doors for others, or saying please and thank you at appropriate times.    Our human leadership crisis is much bigger than this.  My message will expand their view on their ability to impact the world as leaders, inside or outside the military.

I long to teach these students what they already know in their heart; what they were born with.  I crave the opportunity to encourage them to return to love. There is no ethical code violation that doesn’t somehow also violate our innate nature to love.

I know what you might be thinking.  This is the military.  How can love possibly be part of any military curriculum? Love is everywhere, and in everyone.  There is love for country, love for fellow soldiers.  Love for the freedom that soldiers fight for. The individuals whose job is to protect our country have loving relationships in their personal lives as well.

The call for love today is a much broader scope than just our military.  The truth is that we ARE love, and it applies everywhere.  Love is in our DNA.  Our creator put love IN us, in every cell.  We have simply forgotten. We’ve lost our way.

I could say that I myself have not forgotten, and it wouldn’t be completely true. I am not above reproach.

I talk about love often, and I consider it frequently in my work and in my life, focusing on coming from that place inside me that loves unconditionally. I often ask myself “What would love do?”  This focus on love guides me and inspires me every day to do the right thing and serve others fully. I am filled up with love most of the time.

And still, I find myself at times judging, comparing, competing, criticizing.  My ego wants me to protect my sense of superiority to others (which of course is never the truth), and sometimes I notice that my ego runs the show. It’s true…my human frailty shows up just as yours does.

How is it that we humans have constructed a world where it’s acceptable to judge and categorize people who are not like us, so harshly?  How is it that we’ve turned our religious doctrine into a permission slip to hurt our fellow human beings?  How can we have forgotten that when we hurt one human, we’re all somehow damaged too? Why have we created a political system that is dominated by agendas that lead to power grabbing and making people wrong? How has hate become a driving force for so many of our leaders?  The answer to all these questions has one core culprit:  FEAR.

Do you see what we have collectively created, by losing sight of our one common core value – the need to love and be loved?  As we succumb to the narcotic-like numbness that following the herd of fearful humans generates, we have become complacent.  We have forgotten to love above all else.

Regardless which religion you practice, or which spiritual beliefs guide you, love is at the core of our creation.  It’s in every religious doctrine ever written.  It’s our basis for BE-ing.

If you know me, you know that my sky is generally blue.  You know that I always seek to squeeze out the good juice from every situation.  It’s how I choose to navigate this precious life of mine. 

For these students, and indeed for those people whose lives I touch through my personal relationships, I rise up to take a stand for a return to love.  When I slip, I forgive myself, dust myself off, and carry on with love in my heart.  I choose to lead by example with love.  It’s the difference I can make for those whose life I am invited into.

I will ask the students to commit to more love and less fear.  It would be really fabulous if you joined me in this commitment.  One by one, we can create something different.  How practical is this to actually do, in real life?  It’s easier than you may believe.  Here are some of my own ideas to inspire you to find your own unique path:

• Give someone a hand up, rather than a handout.
• Refrain from being sucked in by destructive and false media messages.
• The next time you judge someone for being unworthy, less-than, different – look in the mirror and see what part of you is judging.  It won’t be the real you. It’ll be the fearful you that is worried you are somehow less than, too.
• Celebrate human differences without making others wrong.
• Stop comparing yourself to others.  It doesn’t serve you or them.
• Love yourself madly.  It helps you love others.
• Wake up and serve.
• Don’t participate in conversations that degrade other humans. 
• Speak out in support of love to those around you.
• Act in spite of the fear that you won’t belong.
• Trust your instinct.  It will never inform you with hate – always love.
• Get quiet.  Remember who you are.

It starts with me.  And I love YOU fiercely.

What is the truth you could be telling?  How vulnerable are you willing to be?  How much deeper might your relationships be if you committed to transparency?

Want to find out?  Keep me in the loop, would ya?

Love,

I distinctly remember feeling self conscious that at that young age, I didn’t have much to offer to the group. Each week we were given a topic to prepare a short talk for the following week.  Our facilitators taught us distinctions that originated from Dale Carnegie’s body of work, and then we got to integrate those distinctions into our weekly talks.  Each week, my voice would quiver as I gasped for breath (speakers often crash and burn because we forget to breath).  I was never particularly skilled or committed to preparation, so each week I would show up even more nervous because I hadn’t prepared properly.  There was one week that stood out for me.  That week, the topic was emotional.  We were meant to talk about a life event that was significant enough to change our life course.

I immediately knew what that event was for me.  I tried like hell not to know, because it was so emotional and intimate and I didn’t know if I could talk about it with anyone, let alone my peers in this course.  All week I deliberated with myself, and as it turns out, never really got to an alternate topic.  It was suddenly my turn to share, and the story I was avoiding was all I really had.

I stepped in front of the group, petrified.  I took a deep breath, and in a flurry of words, out came my sad and emotional tale.  I told it without thinking.  The room was amazingly quiet while my courage was unleashed on this collection of unlikely confidantes. I told the story of how, for three years, my brother and I endured a tragic period of our lives.  We lived with our mother and step-father, who was an abusive alcoholic.  You can imagine the kind of story that creates.  Culminating that 3 year experience was an event which occurred on the day my mom divorced my step-father.  On that day, my step-father opted to fire a loaded gun into his mouth to commit suicide, while my mom was on the other end of a telephone line with him. It was a compelling story of a true life event that did indeed change everything.

During the telling, I remember it feeling more like an out of body experience than anything.  I was emotional, and still, not so emotional that I couldn’t get the words out.  Afterwards, I was greeted by a standing ovation.  This short two minutes of my life taught me something I’ve never forgotten, and still reflect upon even today.

When I speak from my spirit, expressing the emotions, passion, and conviction that are alive within me, people hear me in a way that isn’t otherwise possible.  Showing vulnerability connects our common human frailty, and always creates more meaningful results than pretending I am something else would provide. Whether I’m speaking in front of a group, or one on one with a client, I know that all the juice is in those conversations when I’m showing up as me – even if it means revealing my soft underbelly. It’s in this space where the most phenomenal differences can be created.

What stops me from showing up this way?  Well, fear, of course.  It’s the only thing that ever stops me.  I worry what people will think of me if I reveal my perceived weaknesses.  I imagine I must be some kind of authority or expert, when really I’m simply doing the best I can in any given moment.

When I speak in front of groups now, I reconnect to that place inside myself that is unique to me. I say what I know, encouraging others to consider an alternate perspective.  I remind myself to breathe (crazy that I STILL have to do that), and share myself fully, including that soft underbelly side.  I resist my inclination to be a people-pleaser. I also resist the urge to be an expert.  I am after all, just me, doing the best I can with what I’ve been gifted.

Two extraordinary minutes taught me that it’s not only okay to be me, it’s preferable.

What are you willing to create through asking?  Please leave a comment and we’ll create an inspiration machine.  How cool is it to inspire others to action?  You will find out by commenting.

Love you!

The man got some support from the barista about the delay, which served to unleash a long, sarcastic and passionate diatribe on the recent street-scaping project that has just finished in my town.  The project was in fact, a real mess to navigate for some time, and some businesses didn’t survive the downturn in traffic due to the hassle.  Now that it’s finished, people can drive straight through a lovely and quaint downtown (while stopping at every light) and gazing at the brick accented planters and benches.  City planners are no doubt attempting to attract more businesses and activity to an otherwise dying downtown business district.

You see how I could make an argument for both sides of this issue?  If the goal is to grow the business district, and the street-scaping resulted in businesses closing, was it the right decision? And if I were unfamiliar with the area and had taken a drive downtown to consider moving my business here, would I have not gotten a warm and fuzzy with the streets run down and dilapidated?  At some point, some people weighed the factors in this debate and decided the benefit was worth the risk.  And that’s how all important decisions are made, yes?

So about this guy.  The whole coffee shop vibe shifted, while he vocalized his opinion and sought the support of others with his eyes.  I found myself averting eye contact, because I myself didn’t have a clear position on the matter. My office is downtown, and while I don’t depend upon walk-in traffic, it was still a hassle while the road was destroyed and rebuilt.

Some questions came up for me today, as I continue to ponder the situation.  Do I believe it’s appropriate to take strong positions on issues and verbalize them in public places where the debate was uninvited?  Constitutionally, we are free to do that, though if we cause a disturbance I suppose there could be consequences.

Is there something that ignites that sort of passion in me, that I’d be willing to do what he did?

Since I’m a business that made it through the transition, is my perspective lacking credibility?

How much do we place our trust in our city leaders, and should I become more involved?

I love being open to these questions, and I also have a few for you.  Where in your life do you take a stand?  What’s important enough to risk your need to belong?  How can you grow by asking yourself these questions?

As humans, co-mingling in the world, and in our communities, it’s our job to make a difference through our existence.  How are we doing that?